Monday, January 4, 2010

Speaking From The Heart

Sorry I haven't been on in a while, I got sucked in by Tumblr haha. But I guess you can say I'm back. This is just a rant from somethings that has happened to me and I'm feeling "sentimental" now lol.

I doubt you'll ever see this and I doubt I want you to read this, maybe I do but I hate you. Ha, ok I know I've said I don't but in reality ..come on, I do. But It's not the regular "Don't come near me again", alright only half of it was, ok maybe 95% of it is, but the truth is, some days I just want to fight you, hurt you, hug you, comfort you, delete you from my memory, cherish you as a friend and fix you. They say you have to let something you really love go and soon they'll come back to you. I don't know how true it is and I want to believe it is but you've taught and proved to me to never believe in fairy tales. My heart hurts but it's stronger then ever, I'm stronger then ever.

One decision. You've made one decision that happened a year ago, your still paying for it now. Lost friends, amazing people that have meant so much to you to have someone who is destroying you and you don't even know if they mean that much to you like we did. The saying "You can't help loving something that's destroying you." is right, Love is surely blind and I witness it everyday. But reality hits and it hits hard, Trust Me. It's hit you many times but when you have an epiphany we'll be right where we were, standing there, waiting, having your back, like we always did and said we would. I don't know if they will but I know I will. I said it & I'm keeping my word. Word is bond.

You say you don't want to hurt but your doing it over and over knowing the consequences. Knowing that your going to lose something even greater if you don't walk away but you still stay, maybe you felt how I felt ? I don't know but all I want to tell you is Thank You. Thank You for everything, yea it hurt but I'm growing up, letting go but never forgetting and just simply living. Life is too short to hold grudges or have enemies and when the day comes when you finally fall and they knock you off of your kness. The day your all alone and have no where to go, the day you wake up and can't breathe anymore, the day you can't take it anymore, the day you finally leave, the day when you wake up and realize what you did and you can't live without us anymore, the day when you see what we see, the day you Man Up. We'll be there. I'll be there, waiting. But for now ..only time will tell.

...and that's Speaking From The Heart.

- C.

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